Little bit about Me

I am a huge fan of passive aggressive behavior. I think it’s hysterical. When and if I ever get my own place I plan to steal my cat just to get back at my mother for throwing me out on my ass. That’s another thing about me. I get kicked out and fired a lot. Some of my friends have described me as resilient though, so I do all right. Some of my other friends describe me as insane. My boyfriend once told me that I smell like creamy beer in the morning. I once described him as magical. But not as in like “Oooh he’s so dreamy and magical” way. I meant it more like my boyfriend is a fucking Magician. I’m obsessed with salt. I eat it straight up. Its common knowledge amongst my friends that if they eat a bag of rold gold pretzels they better save the empty bag for me. I apply chapstick obsessively. I have severe ADHD so I don’t really do well in structured situations. I used to take medicine for it but it made me boring. I also have no coping skills, no sense of direction, paranoia, I get overwhelmed easily and feel the need to “get flat”-which is my safe place. If you ever see me lay down face first flat on the floor then you know that something has happened that I am unable to deal with. Sometimes its something as simple as choosing what I want for lunch. It’s a coping skill I developed days after my best friend died and I found a lot of minor situations to be too stressful and unbearable. Unfortunately I went public about “getting flat” and its no longer really my safe place. I am extremely edgy and uncomfortable in restaurants; although sometimes I am in the mood to have people just bring me stuff. I like to be served I guess. Yeah, my best friend died. Her name is Annmarie. If you spend any time with me at all you’re likely to hear a million stories about her. My boyfriend says its like I carry a torch for her and I do but it’s more so that every memory I have includes her. She was my best friend for 22 years we did everything together. As I write this spell check is telling me with that annoying squiggly line that I spelled Annmarie wrong. Fuck you spell check. That’s how she spells it. I hate the insert button on the keyboard. It is the bane of my existence. I use phrases and words sometimes that I’m not sure if they even work in the context I use them but I don’t care because I can be very convincing and some people are too dumb to even notice. Henry Rollins is my moral advisor. If he says something isn’t okay I believe him. I love him and listen earnestly to his opinions and life experiences. I suck at analogies. Like here is an example I once said this to someone “Dude his hair is greasier than someone with like: pause: really greasy hair” If you’ve ever been to Murphy’s in Quincy you know who’s hair I’m talking about. Nicole Abruzzese is my rock. I couldn’t live without the girl. I really couldn’t. She is the only person in the entire world that I trust. Its not that I have friends that are untrustworthy its just that my paranoid mind doesn’t allow me to trust. But somehow I trust Nicole with everything. She has seen me at my weakest, in the midst of tantrums, in blackout mode, crying hysterically over a broken cell phone charger, after not sleeping for days because of insomnia, after telling her about my crazy suspicions of betrayal, when my heart was broken and destroyed by my own mother and when I’m just being a straight fuck up. And she has never judged me. She looks at me with a concerned look and says “lizzi” in her ‘trying to reason with me’ voice. When I called her hysterically crying after my mother kicked me out and told me she never wanted to see me again. Nicole called me back and told me I could live with her and her family. I’ve been there since and we still enjoy every second together. Although we no longer really speak to each other we basically just communicate through “Meow’s” They have different inflections and tones to express what we need. I drink a lot. This is known to everyone so I’m not gonna really cover that. Just by saying this, it’s not a problem. Don’t worry about me. I hate shoes. I really fucking hate ‘em. It’s not like a hippy thing, or like any particular reason. I just don’t like wearing them. I know this is dangerous, I know I shouldn’t go out in Flip Flops in the winter. I know its gross, and my feet are dirty but I take showers people and I don’t care about the dangers of being barefoot. I appreciate the concern but I wont be wearing shoes at all again this summer unless I say, actually go to a bar. So please just let me do my thing and don’t lecture me. I have trouble sleeping. That’s an understatement. I can’t sleep, I can’t fall asleep and If I’m lucky enough to fall asleep, I can’t stay asleep. I have nightmares, sleep paralysis, jump-awakes, hot-skins, and sometimes I wake up having convulsions. I can take 6 Tylenol PM and stay up all night. I’ve tried everything. I’ve been like this for years. It sucks. I am obsessed with cats. I tend to talk to animals and the television. There have been a number of times when just me and Shawn (my magical boyfriend) have been in a room watching TV and I’ve said something and he says “what?” and I say, “I wasn’t talking to you”. Shawn is awesome. I love him. He’s like my best buddy and my boyfriend and I love him too much. According to Shawn, he’s like John Ritter. Cause he is always over hanging in Nicki’s room with her and me. I don’t go out much anymore. Once a week I go over Kelly’s and yell at Zoe all night for being too hyper and eating SOS pads. I have a job. I am surprised when I have something to do here. Like someone asks me to fix the printer and I’m like “Huh?” and then I don’t. There is never anything to do so currently I have been reading recaps of the show My So Called Life, and totally reliving my fixation/obsession with Jared Leto AKA Jordan Catalano. The most memorable name from any Teen Angst shows ever. When someone doesn’t like a certain thing that I do or how I act I tend to amp it up and do it 10 times more. Its funny to me. Call me a scumbag and I will spit on your wall and steal all the pills out of your medicine cabinet. Tell me to stop kissing my boyfriend in front of you and I will fuck him on your bed. Call me a junky and Ill overdose on your couch. Its acting folks. I don’t like jokes at my expense I get way too pissy and I’m no fun. Sorry, I wish it were different. I grew up in Squantum and for my entire adolescence I didn’t believe there was life outside of Squantum. Small town mentality. I’ve met the most amazing people ever since I moved. Not this time that I got kicked out but I actually moved out on my own last year. I moved to Brewer’s Corner with Nicki and Meaghan. Then we met Beakey and all of his friends. A bunch of cool people and they all seemed to do shit. In bands, artists, writers etc. I was inspired and encouraged by a few of them and some people on my myspace friend’s list to start writing and since I have been writing short stories and poems and other junk. Julie Kenny and me have a See Saw friendship. She knows what that means. I am obsessed with Law and Order SVU. I could watch it for the rest of my life. If you ever see the E true Hollywood stories episode about The Hilton Sisters pay close attention to the part where they are talking about how Paris was dating Eddie Furlong. The narrator actually says, “Furlong’s drug and alcohol problems were well documented” I am pretty sure that applies to everything I have ever written.