Blah

I got no inspriration these days nothing decent worth writing about so Ill see ya when I see ya.

Nothing makes me happier

Than natural disasters. Christ when I see a "Breaking News Tornado Tears apart Town" news report I am filled with glee. I don't want to see people get hurt or die or have their possesions destroyed I just love inclement weather. I look forward to Hurricane season with anticipation that only a child feels on Christams Eve. Unfortunately up here in Boston we don't get many hurricanes, once every 10 years or something. The ocean is my other Favorite thing in the entire world. You give me a big nasty fucking storm thats got the ocean involved all crazy and wild and I am literally puking rainbows out of excitement. Indonesia just had a Tsunami, lucky fucks. I'll be tuned into Anderson Cooper 360 for the next week glued to the images of hugemongous waves wiping out whole fucking cities. I dont mean to be insensitive but my entertainment is my number one priority. It sucks when people die, I know that and it makes me sad so I cry while watching this shit on tv and its a weird and messy mixture of crying and smiling while being mesmorized by gusts of wind and massive waves. I dunno. I know what I like, and I like storms. I just saw OJ Simpson on tv and I thought "I wonder if OJ likes bad weather, like me?" and the thought alone made me laugh so hard I almost choked on the orange I am eating. too much excitement for one evening. I'm out-

Congratulations

To Beak Wilder on his blog that has been recognized by Quincy's Patriot Ledger. Keep it up.

Professional Help

So I went to the Behavioral Therapist that I am forced to see so I can keep getting Scrips for xanax and she told me she had never in all her years of Therapy met anyone who had as many issues with sleep as I do. She said Its almost like you look at sleep as a challenge that is waiting for you at the end of every day. This is true I said. Even at 10 am I am already stressed about the going to sleep process that will come in 12 hours. I havent even been having the problems I usually have while sleeping in the past 6 months but I still stress about it. And I don't even have to wake up for anything in the morning , so she plans on having me fixed up before I get a job and have to get to sleep and wake up at scheduled times. Good luck lady. Your about to tackle 15 year bad sleep habits and dependence on sleep aids. Ill be forever in her debt if it works.

Dead Eyes

Everytime I pass the mirror today I see my reflection and I cannot help but notice that there is no life in my fucking eyes. I have been a zombie for the past few days and the mouse keeps running on her wheel and its all I can hear and I think its tipping the bad chemicals into my brain at lightning speed. The paint on my toes is all chipped but the idea of painting my toes hot pink today is so fucking ludicrous i can only look at my feet and laugh because it means that at some point in the past few weeks I was happy enough to paint them hot pink. I couldnt smile if somebody paid me a buck. Which is more than I have in my wallet. My dead best friends brother across the street is having house parties all week and I cant help but get pissed at the sound of people having fun over there because I know if she was still alive we would be partying and her little brother would only be allowed to have a couple people over. And we would have reign of the kitchen area. I keep meaning to watch a comedy to lighten my spirit but when I get into the On Demand menu I go for doom and gloom. I cannot get in touch with my boyfriend because neither of us has operating cell phones and I cant call his grandmothers house this late and he cant call my parents house this late and if that isnt the most pathetic thing you've ever heard I dont know what is. I just brushed my teeth in an attempt at being human and got toothpaste all over my shirt. Today is only Thursday. I have nothing planned for the immediate future except for a wedding on the 15th that I wish I didnt agree to and no money to do anything until I get my second to last unemployment check next tuesday. I got one of those lumps in my throat you know the kind that dont go away. I wanna cry and I cant and its gonna be there until I do. The days keep passing me by and I miss my apartment and beng able to see my bf everyday and not having the constant worry that I am going to make my mom mad. I did some writing on paper earlier that was so fucking dark I folded it up real tiny and hid it under my clothes in the closet. I thought maybe if I purged onto paper I would feel better but obviously not cause here I am publicy purging and I still feel crummy. So Im gonna shut the lights off so I can't see my blank face in the mirror and maybe tomorrow will be a little better. If not the mouse is being moved out to the garage since I blame all this on the incessant sound of that fucking wheel.

Greeting Politicians with weapons

So earlier today I'm laying in bed cleaning out my pocketbook. So I noticed there was tons of sand in my switchblade or knife whatever. So I start cleaning it out when I hear a knock at my door so I go down and answer it. Its former Mayor Bill Phelan and he wants to leave a pamphlet and try to win my vote. So I open the door for him to give me the pamphlet and the politicians handshake but I forgot I had a rather sharp knife in my hand and he saw it and totally stepped back a few inches. So I put the knife in my left hand and reached out to shake his with my right and tell him I voted for him before and was planning to vote for him again. To which he thanked me and said have a nice night all the while staring at my absentmindedly knife weilding hand. It was more than fucking hilarious as I realized what had just occured..

IM BACK

I didnt mean to abandon my page completely not that it matters cause nobody reads it anyways I have been without computer access for over a year. Once I get back to work I will be a blogging machine again so my audience of zero should be psyched!