Letter to Sir Mix-A Lot

Dear Sir Mix A Lot, I am writing you to ask for your help. It seems as though many of my friends are suffering from SMAV Which is a street term for Sir Mix A Lot Virus. It is impossible to breach any subject without breaking into song whether it be about drinking, pancakes, butter, Marching Powder and many other day to day life issues besides big butts. It has become close to impossible to carry on conversation with anyone of my friends these days because they are breaking out into song and dance midway through conversation. I know these were not your intentions when you wrote this song, clearly you were just expressing your love for "big butts" and trying to tell your other brothers not to deny their shared affection for a round derriere but I don’t think you thought about the negative affects it could have on today's youth. Case in point whilst enjoying a night out with friends Saturday March 27th my dear friend Jeff was discussing his passion for pancakes and it turned ugly when he could not stop singing and adding lyrics about butter and whatnot. He was struck down in the prime of his fun and turned into a mumbling fool. We had to dose him up with liquor and other pharmaceuticals just to make him stop. Take my friend Kelly for example she just likes to drink. That's not a crime but what is a crime is the fact that she cannot even tell her fellow drinking partner about her love for drinking without breaking into song. Its becoming a problem that is way worse than her excessive drinking. So please if you could I would love to hear perhaps a new song you could write. Just please don’t include the words Schfifty, Schwaum, Hokey Pokey, Country, Nice, Momma Likes, and Nine. I know that you are not responsible for the growing trend and overuse of those words I will be writing letters to the people responsible for that at a later date. So in conlcusion although I do love and respect and appreciate you and your love of the round things in your face I do not get sprung when I see my friends suffering. Please write a new song you will be helping us a lot.
Thank you, Becky Furlong